Piranha 3DD (2012)

PIRANHA 3DD (2012)

Hmmm. That’s really all I could say after viewing Piranha 3DD. It's an indecisive ‘hmmm’, but not necessarily a completely negative one. After over a year of following the movies progress, the final product disappointed me; although I wasn’t gutted as others have understandably been. Piranha 3DD had some very big shoes to fill for me, and it's a few sizes too small unfortunately. There where warning signs that it wouldn’t be as good as Piranha 3D. These included a new, relatively inexperienced director (John Gulager who did the mediocre ‘Feast’ movies), the trailer- which seemed to focus more on comedy than it should- the mediocre posters and most of all the greatly reduced budget and very limited cinema release. Once I finally sat down to watch it, I did try and lower my expectations considerably once the influx of highly negative reviews began pouring in. And you know what? I actually kind of enjoyed it. Not nearly as much as I did Piranha 3D, but it was a bit of fun; albeit disappointing fun.

Twelve months after the events of Piranha 3D, a huge eradication program to rid of the prehistoric predators has left Lake Victoria a lifeless wasteland. Not far away, a waterpark named ‘Big Wet’ rather perversely is about to open. The parks 51% owner Chet (David Koechner) is filling the park using an illegal water well, where he is unknowingly pumping piranha right into the pools. His step-daughter Maddy played by Dannielle Panabaker (who is supposedly a marine biologist, even though that’s not used at all), her friend Barry (Matt Bush) and her ex-boyfriend Kyle (Chris Zylka) need to stop the piranha before opening day at ‘Big Wet’ before the fish decide to dine in.

"Ah dammit, how am I going to afford that hair growth treatment now?!"

I really liked the opening recap and explanation of the eradication plan. The first death scene with Gary Busey and a dead gaseous cow is good, but doesn’t come close to topping Richard Dreyfuss’s from Piranha 3D which it was obviously aiming for. Gary Busey is just not as well known, and the scene feels way too brief. David koechner was a good choice for the sleazy water park owner Chet and gets a few good laughs in. The beautiful Katrina Bowden is becoming a genre staple (she was great in Tucker and Dale vs. Evil; a movie I definitely recommend you check out), and is pretty funny here even if she is underused (after her main scene half way through we don’t see her character again). She manages to make even the worst dialogue not-so-bad. No doubt the movies absolute best scene involves a juvenile piranha making its way up Katrina’s vagina, and what results in a sex scene afterwards. It’s the goriest, funniest and best executed scene in the movie (despite some bizarrely bad dialogue) and it does manage to top Piranha 3D’s genital mutilation scene. Wow, this is what the world has come to: Piranha chomping on guy’s penises whenever they get the opportunity. Oh well!

David Hasselhoff rescuing the 'little ginger moron'. Notice how everyone in the background doesn't seem too fussed about being eaten by piranha? It's a big goof that's seen through the whole 'massacre'.

While the score isn’t as solid here (probably as a result of a reduced budget) the pop-rock songs used are pretty good. A scene with Panabaker and Bowden on a dock with piranha jumping up at them is the only one that gets close to being suspenseful, and is effective apart from one too many falls and re-used Piranha 3D shots. As expected, I really really loved the use of puppet piranha’s here. They are used especially well when it is ‘raining piranha’ at the end (another part i really liked). Without all the cameos, Piranha 3DD wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining. Christopher Lloyd’s brief scene, as well as Ving Rhames’ and Paul Scheer’s save the movie. Christopher Lloyd vamps up his craziness even more here, and is even more fun to watch than he was in the first film. Ving Rhames’ (who’s character is now legless. Turns out he didn’t die in the first movie, the Piranha just ate his legs) and Paul Scheer’s cameo is great, although its unclear as to how these two characters who didn’t know each other in Piranha 3D are suddenly friends. The pacing is very quick, and although this kept me entertained the whole time it did hurt the film as a whole. David Hasselhoff has quite a bit of screen time as himself; too much to call it a cameo. He sends himself up very well, even if he does make himself look like an asshole. However predictable it was, the ending is obviously an indirect reference to the flying piranha (yes, fish with wings flying around; twas' quite a site to behold) in the original Piranha 2 and I really liked it (although they don’t fly here; that gives you a bit of a clue).

Ashley(left): I'm going to die in five minutes! Shelby (right): A baby piranha is going to make its way into my uterus in five minutes! OH MY GOSH it's like Finding Nemo with my vagina! Finding Vagina! Or was it using me to find Josh's penis...? THAT BASTARD PIRANHA USED ME.

Throughout the film quite a few shots are re-used from the first movie. It really exposes the movies drastically reduced budget and comes across as cheap. Unlike Piranha 3D, Piranha 3DD is extremely, blatantly sleazy; From the ‘cooch cam’ to the cheap strippers populating the adults section, and a stereotypically gross fat guy humping the bubble-hole in the side of the pool. The dialogue is pretty bad at times, and does cross the line of what is acceptably bad in these types of movies. Some of the attack scenes lack the gory punch that Piranha 3D had us expecting, and some are pretty poorly staged overall. The cinematography from the first movie definitely isn’t here this time, and the clear blue waters of Lake Victoria have been replaced by less attractive murky ones. New characters are really underdeveloped due to the movies far too short runtime, especially our lead who comes across as a tad unlikable (she fails to see that her ex-boyfriend is a complete tool). The character’s weren’t developed much in Piranha 3D, but they where developed ENOUGH; and its just not the case here seeing as there wasn't time. 

Deputy Fallon putting his shotgun leg to good use along side Paul Scheer.

The last thing I was expecting to put with the negatives was the inevitable waterpark massacre. I really wanted to like this scene, it should be the films crowning moment, but the whole sequence is just a mess. The editing is way too fast, there just isn’t enough gore and things just get a bit TOO comedic. All the deaths are choppy, unrelated and incoherent scenes that don’t even get close to beating the spring break massacre from Piranha 3D. It seemed as though the gore was there to be filmed, but it just…wasn’t; again, probably because of budgetary reasons. There are a few things here that work. Included are a women motor-boating a decapitated head, the shotgun leg that Deputy Fallon uses and David Hasselhoff rescuing a ‘little ginger moron’ to some Baywatch music. The thing is, there are more misses than hits. The environment of a water park and the ‘adults only’ pool certainly aren't used to their full potential, of which there was so much. Classic music is over used to create a funny juxtaposition (like one that was achieved in the nude swim in Piranha 3D) that wears pretty thin. Chris Zylka’s character takes a turn for the odd near the end, which just felt really forced to get some laughs.

 Well that's one way of getting a look at a chicks cleavage...extreme, yet effective!

The giant adult piranha’s that where promised at Piranha 3D’s end are pretty much ignored here, except for a brief scene. It’s pretty disappointing, as it was something I was looking forward to after Piranha 3D. The runtime feels very short (barely 70 minutes without the 10 minutes of credits), and is padded by some bloopers during the credits. These are a mixed bag; some are pretty funny (mostly Christopher Lloyd’s, Chris Zilka’s and David Koechner’s) but some are just painful to watch. Hasslehoff’s ‘fish hunter’ song is definitely one of the later. I can’t help but feel the films length could have been extended by many shots and edits being longer. It sounds odd, but most shots just felt unnecessarily trimmed (especially during the main attack). Part of what made Piranha 3D so gory was how Alexandre Aja used lingering shots to give it all emphasis, but John Gulager’s style is the complete opposite; quick cuts and often frantic editing. It’s extremely frustrating when a director could have made a movie gorier by simply FOCUSING on it more. Hmmm.

Christopher Lloyd challenging this piranha to a chomp-off. I've got my bets on Lloyd.

In fact, that’s the word to describe Piranha 3DD: frustrating. Most of it's problems could have been avoided through some easy solutions it seems. All in all, however disappointing Piranha 3DD was it still entertained me. I wasn’t left with the huge ear-to-ear smile that the first movie gave me, but when I think about it Piranha 3DD could have been so much worse. If you saw Piranha 3D and like it, I still say check out Piranha 3DD. Prepare for an underwhelming but ultimately entertaining movie by lowering your expectations considerably like I did, and you just might like it. I am hoping for a Piranha 3DDD, but I’m not sure how many people would be interested in naked three-breasted women; the piranha definitely wouldn’t mind though.

3/5

Recommended classification: 15+ for strong bloody violence, sex scene, nudity, coarse language, sexual references and brief drug use.

I've decided to make a habit of taking note of any worthy quotes in my reviews, so here are some I picked from Piranha 3DD:

- Gary Busey: ‘Holy flyin’ baby shit!’

- Christopher Lloyd: ‘HA! Take that laughing diarrhoea baby!’

- Josh: ‘What the fuck is on my dick?!’

- Katrina Bowden: ‘Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina!’

- David Hasselhoff: ‘you little ginger moron.’

- Andrew: How did you afford that shot-gun leg?!

  Deputy Fallon: All the money I saved on socks.

And here's the trailer: